When I was in seventh grade, there was a girl in grade nine who wanted to fight me. She had her lackey give me a note that said to meet her outside after school that day. I have never been a fan of confrontation. I don't go looking for it, but I'm also not afraid to speak my mind or stand my ground should confrontation arise. This girl had a history of being a scrapper. She was a known bully. It seems that the boy that she liked, liked me, and that didn't sit very well with her. So, the end of the school day came. I nervously gathered my things and headed outside to face the impending fight.
...she never showed.
As scared as I was, I was not about to be intimidated by this bully. It's not my fault that her crush liked me. If she wanted to fight for it, then bring it on. I remember vividly standing there, my most trusted friends waiting in the wings, and the fight never happened. Not only that, she had heard that I showed and left me alone after that.
When people are asked to describe me, words like funny, kind, spiritual, generous and optimistic are usually used. I believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt. I always try to see the inherent good in others. I trust that people speak their truth when they talk to me. This is both a blessing and a curse. I have been rewarded and blessed many times due to my unfaltering faith in people, but I have also been burned. Going along with that optimism is also a trait I have of turning the other cheek. Again, this has both blessed me, and burned me. There have been many dark times in my life when I curse myself and exchange my faith and optimism for words like, naive, and foolish. It takes an awful lot to lose my trust and faith in someone - sadly, usually multiple times of me being let down by them - but when it's lost, it's gone for good. I may forgive down the road, but I never ever forget.
Is that the most spiritual of approaches? Maybe not. I suppose the most enlightened of us rise above it all and know that to even react is to lower our vibrations. That to be truly on our highest path, we must love all. I have always said that I'm a work in progress, so I have no difficulty admitting that I am not there yet.
The last few years of my life have found me finding my own voice more and more. I still have an almost annoying faith and optimism in people, but I'm also not afraid to speak my mind when the situation calls for it. After receiving my Reiki attunements, I have noticed even more that I am even more confident in speaking my truth. It saves me stewing about it for days or even months and I can deal with the issue at hand and then release it and move forward.
This is both liberating and nerve-wracking for me. I still put utmost faith in those around me and I also trust that they mean what they say to me. Just because I am more confident in speaking my own truth, doesn't mean that everyone else is.
I have recently been pushed to my personal limit in a situation in my life. I have been controlled and intimidated for too long and it is time to end it and to finally and definitively find my voice in this situation. I am filled with a strength an also a sense of fear. To finally say, "No more," to someone who has been calling the shots all along is a scary thing. But to finally say, "No more, " to someone who has been calling the shots all along is also a very empowering thing.
I am kind and loyal and generous to a fault, and I think because of that, I can allow myself to become a target to those who would take advantage. I have finally found my voice. It is clear and strong and I am ready. Prepare to hear me roar.
I have my favorite guest-blogger today. My oldest daughter, Kennedy, is sharing her thoughts on the coming school year - her last year of high school. High school was the hardest and yet the most fun time for me. Would I go back? HELL NO. This is a different world than it was when I was in school. I applaud anyone who makes it through - although no one makes it through unscathed.
I hope that this last year for Kennedy and her friends is a fun and memorable one....
My Thoughts Entering Senior Year
We’ve all seen a high school movie that has given us high expectations about school spirit, and for some, breaking out in random song. (High School Musical, anyone?) As I’m entering my 12th and final year of school, I’m thinking to myself, why don’t we have school spirit? As an active member of the student council, and this year’s president, this is the kind of thing that keeps me awake at night. What can I do to make people enjoy themselves and have school spirit? Believe me when I say that we have tried everything. New events every year, bribery, insane advertising. Nothing seems to work. I am at the point where I have accepted that maybe myself along with a few others are going to be the only crazy kids running around wearing school colours with face paint. And that’s okay. We have gotten so caught up in putting immense work into events that nobody shows up to, or spirit days that nobody dresses up at. We are working so hard, that we are forgetting to enjoy it ourselves. I’ve realized that I haven’t been the example that I need to be to our council, and student body. I always worked a shift in the concessions at dances, and went home. We have a school slip and slide every year, and only 20 out of 150 students show up. I got so angry, but I realized that I was on the side, not taking part. I was so worried about cleaning it up after and thanking everyone who helped and how to advertise for the next event, that I didn’t even try it myself. What kind of example is that?? No wonder nobody outside of student council takes part. This, my last year, is going to be the year I will set a great example for all of the kids in our school. Being a school from grades 7-12, it is important that us grade twelves show the grade sevens that it’s okay to take part and not look “cool” for an hour. I had that when I was in grade seven, and it was an amazing thing. In the end of this, I may embarrass myself at the time or feel silly for dressing up when nobody else did, but 10 or 15 years from now, I’m going to look back on my high school years and realize that that was fun. I had fun. I went to pep rallies, I cheered and jumped up when our team just won a game, I showed up to school in my craziest pajamas because that’s what the day was all about. As we’re sneaking up on September, this is my goal for myself. I wouldn’t want this to be any other way. I think about all of the other kids who don’t participate in spirit days, who sit on their phones during pep rallies, and who are hanging out at home when our basketball team just won a tournament. Don’t get me wrong, I am an extreme introvert and fight that every day. But at the end of the day, while all these memories are being made and documented, I can look back and find myself in the front row of the bleachers, or dancing with our school mascot. High school is only here once, and while hanging out by myself is fun, I’m going to be so much happier that I finally got to see high school through the eyes of the kids in the movies.I am going to create a high school experience from the movies for myself. I’m going to worry about myself and my student council, and hopefully set an example for other kids along the way. Show them that it’s okay to let loose and do something embarrassing for school spirit. And hopefully they’ll find that the more they do it, the more other kids will do it, and suddenly everyone’s doing it and it’s not embarrassing anymore. If I could have one wish for my last year in high school, it would be that. Here’s to senior year!
What talent or skill do you have that you are grateful for?
I believe I have the ability to put people at ease. Even strangers will approach and speak to me wherever I go. I used to find it weird and awkward, and truth be told, I still sometimes do, but for the most part, I see it as a gift. I might be the only friendly conversation that person has had all day. Maybe my kind words will be the light in the dark that they needed. Maybe I made them smile at a time when they thought they had lost it. Or maybe I'll just be a funny story for them to tell their spouse at dinner. You just never know. Being kind is free and easy. You really never know the impact that it will have on someone. I love that I can make people feel comfortable enough around me that, for the time we are together, they can be at ease and hopefully walk away with a smile.
The last day! We made it! Thirty days of gratitude. I hope that this has invited you all to look deeper at the blessings in your life. It's so easy to fall into the gratitude complacency trap and although saying thank you is always enough, we can get into a rut with it and lose sight of all of the many, many things that we have to be grateful for in our daily lives.
I hope that you continue on with this and make gratitude a part of your daily routine.
Thank you all for being a part of this with me!
What friend/family member are you grateful for today?
I am going to say my co-worker, Betty. She did the kind and unexpected thing of taking a few words casually said by me and turned them into a beautiful and thoughtful birthday gift for my mom. I was so surprised and touched and it truly meant the world to me. I am so grateful for her and her kind heart.