When I was in seventh grade, there was a girl in grade nine who wanted to fight me. She had her lackey give me a note that said to meet her outside after school that day. I have never been a fan of confrontation. I don't go looking for it, but I'm also not afraid to speak my mind or stand my ground should confrontation arise. This girl had a history of being a scrapper. She was a known bully. It seems that the boy that she liked, liked me, and that didn't sit very well with her. So, the end of the school day came. I nervously gathered my things and headed outside to face the impending fight.
...she never showed.
As scared as I was, I was not about to be intimidated by this bully. It's not my fault that her crush liked me. If she wanted to fight for it, then bring it on. I remember vividly standing there, my most trusted friends waiting in the wings, and the fight never happened. Not only that, she had heard that I showed and left me alone after that.
When people are asked to describe me, words like funny, kind, spiritual, generous and optimistic are usually used. I believe in giving people the benefit of the doubt. I always try to see the inherent good in others. I trust that people speak their truth when they talk to me. This is both a blessing and a curse. I have been rewarded and blessed many times due to my unfaltering faith in people, but I have also been burned. Going along with that optimism is also a trait I have of turning the other cheek. Again, this has both blessed me, and burned me. There have been many dark times in my life when I curse myself and exchange my faith and optimism for words like, naive, and foolish. It takes an awful lot to lose my trust and faith in someone - sadly, usually multiple times of me being let down by them - but when it's lost, it's gone for good. I may forgive down the road, but I never ever forget.
Is that the most spiritual of approaches? Maybe not. I suppose the most enlightened of us rise above it all and know that to even react is to lower our vibrations. That to be truly on our highest path, we must love all. I have always said that I'm a work in progress, so I have no difficulty admitting that I am not there yet.
The last few years of my life have found me finding my own voice more and more. I still have an almost annoying faith and optimism in people, but I'm also not afraid to speak my mind when the situation calls for it. After receiving my Reiki attunements, I have noticed even more that I am even more confident in speaking my truth. It saves me stewing about it for days or even months and I can deal with the issue at hand and then release it and move forward.
This is both liberating and nerve-wracking for me. I still put utmost faith in those around me and I also trust that they mean what they say to me. Just because I am more confident in speaking my own truth, doesn't mean that everyone else is.
I have recently been pushed to my personal limit in a situation in my life. I have been controlled and intimidated for too long and it is time to end it and to finally and definitively find my voice in this situation. I am filled with a strength an also a sense of fear. To finally say, "No more," to someone who has been calling the shots all along is a scary thing. But to finally say, "No more, " to someone who has been calling the shots all along is also a very empowering thing.
I am kind and loyal and generous to a fault, and I think because of that, I can allow myself to become a target to those who would take advantage. I have finally found my voice. It is clear and strong and I am ready. Prepare to hear me roar.