Mercury Retrograde - why you gotta play me like that?

Mercury Retrograde.  The harbinger of many a technology malfunction, messed-up travel, and general brain fartedness (that's a word - I just made it up)
...but this one went way deeper than that.

The official retrograde dates were January 30 to February 20, but you might have started being affected as early as January 15, during it's pre-shadow period.  The post-shadow last as long as March 13.  Good times.

I have to say that this was the most intense retrogrades that I have ever been in.  With all of the planetary alignments that were happening at the same time, it was to be expected, but truly, it knocked the shit out of me.  Spiritually, retrogrades are a time when the past revisits.  I'm sure you had someone whom you hadn't even thought of in ages suddenly reach out to you, or that one ex that never quite got over you slide into your DMs with a "Hey!"  I know I did.  Three of them.  (insert eyeroll here)
It is also when situations, hurts, unfinished business from our past comes up in order for us to heal and release them.

This is not a gentle process.  It's quite the opposite, in fact. My guides are giving it to me as this....
    

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Imagine that you're on a paintball field.
It's you and 20 others.  They are all geared up, air guns filled with paintballs.
You have nothing.  No protective gear.  No shield. Nothing to hide behind.
The horn goes, and suddenly you're pelted with these paint-filled balls that 
really fucking hurt by the way and there's nothing you can do to avoid them.

I love how my guides create such vivid scenes to describe something.  lol
Anyway, yeah, it's like that.  You could be sitting there, minding your own business and BAM! you're hit with a painful memory from junior high.  BAM! Here comes one from your first marriage.  BAM!  Here's one in the form of toxic self-talk that you've never quite overcome.

Well this retrograde was like that times 100.  It felt like a dark night of the soul for so many.  I had so many subscribers and friends message me and all saying the same thing, "this feels like a dark night of the soul".  If you're not familiar with that term, I urge your to look it up.  In short it is a very dark period where we are confronted head-on with our shadow selves - that dark, unhealed part of us that brings us to our knees.  It can last for months or even longer.  It's rock bottom.  It's the time in your life that marks when everything changed.  THAT'S how intense this retrograde has been.  

At one point I sat in my room, feeling as though I could barely breathe from the pain, shame, and guilt that I was overcome with.  I pleaded with God, my guides, my angels, anyone within earshot, to please help me.  I wondered how I was supposed to go on.  Not out of self-pity, but I literally had no idea how I was supposed to move forward from that moment.  But here's the thing about rock bottom, there's only one way to go, and that's up.  When you're breathless with pain and shame and grief, you become very attuned to the guidance that eventually - always - comes.  I was open to receive and receive I did.  I'll go further into this in a separate post.

So here's the thing, when these things come up and trigger us, it is not to punish us.  It is an invitation to heal this thing on a deeper level.  This ascension path that we are on is not a straight line, it's a spiral.  We will keep coming back around to things until we have fully healed from them, forgiven ourselves and anyone else needed, and then released.  This is an invitation to heal.  An invitation to grow.  An invitation to move closer to the highest and best version of ourselves.  It's not the most picturesque route, but it's damn effective.

What were some things that you were confronted with?  Do you feel as though you were better equipped this time to give them a closer look and heal at a deeper level?  What revelations about yourself and your journey did you have?

And most importantly, what are you grateful for from this retrograde period?

I love you tons.  I'm so glad you're here.

​Jodi